Sleep

Is it just me who this happens to? I will find something that doesn’t apply to me in any way, and it will somehow apply to me. I’ll tell you this example. I grew up listening to My Chemical Romance and my favourite album, without my knowledge, was The Black Parade. But I never listened to the whole album (my favourite songs were Welcome To The Black Parade, Teenagers and Famous Last Words). But a year or so ago, I grew into a massive MCR fan, and listened to The Black Parade religiously. I soon stumbled upon the song Sleep, which has spoken parts, which talk about nightmares/night terrors. I can’t remember the exact wording, but it’s something like: 

“Like last night, they’re not like tremors, they’re worse than tremors, they’re- they’re these terrors. Kind of like, it feels like as if somebody was gripping my throat and squeezing, and… Sometimes, I see flames, and sometimes I see people that I love dying, and it’s always… And I can’t, I can’t ever wake up…”

And this sticks in my head, because… well. This is why I don’t sleep. I remember in Year 8, before I’d heard this song, I was in counselling. The counsellor, Skye, asked me to describe my dreams. I could only recall one recurring dream. She asked me to write it down. But I went back to her many times, each time with a new part to the same nightmare: 

“Basically, I get paranoid that there’s a guy, I don’t know, just somebody, standing above me. Staring at me. Reaching their hand out, grabbing my throat and choking me, squeezing my neck. It’s not like a normal nightmare…” “Now I see the guy burning my house down. He got everyone I love in my house and torched it. I know it was him. He wore a flame lapel pin when I met him and then at the end of the dream, he sees me again while I’m mourning, and he looks down at me, sneering, before grabbing my throat and squeezing it til I die too…” “Sometimes, I try to wake up, but I can’t. I don’t come around til I die in my dream. And even then, I wake up in a nervous sweat, unable to move or breathe…”
You see? Sleep seems to be an abridged version of my nightmare.

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